took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
