Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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