My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This is the high leading the old right now
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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