Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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