I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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