Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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