you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
