Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
