Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
