dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
