i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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