Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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