Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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