i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
