Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
