hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
