It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
