All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
