what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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