Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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