Welp...herpes.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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