____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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