We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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