Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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