do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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