Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
