In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
