I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
