mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
