i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
