shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
