I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
