People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
