I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
