you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
