How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize