Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
