I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
