How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
