I'm going to jail i love you
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
