Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
