The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
