Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
