Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
