You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
