i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
