she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
