so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
