dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
