She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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