My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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