He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize