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• (310): View more from California

  thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing

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• (850): View more from Florida

  come over anyways, right now, right this second

  (850): View more from Florida

  it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying

  (561): View more from Florida

  wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday

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• (631): View more from New York

  A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Marry him.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I can feel your judgement through the phone

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• (914): View more from New York

  You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.

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