you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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