i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
