She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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