I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
