you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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